What you do is not good enough, again?
How many times did you press send crossing your fingers that this time you will get "this is amazing" feedback?
How many times did it feel like somebody punched you in the stomach because your power point was too much of this and too little of that.
And this would not be a problem at all if just you could see what he/she was talking about? You simply don't get, right... Or you might have an idea about what they would like to see but you have no idea how to do it...
It sucks, right...
It's like you are in an interview for a dream job and everything seems amazing, you are a perfect match for a perfect opportunity, the energy is there, the feeling is right... Until you actually start working something. Until your process document is not quite up to expected standard or your proposal for new team roles is not quite convincing...
It's frustrating, right...
Well, it actually depends on the way you received the feedback.
You see, I am not writing that it depends from the way the feedback was delivered - I am not saying that it depends from feedback being delivered in a respectful, solution focused, compassionate and constructive manner. I am stating that it depends on one thing and one thing only - the way you receive it. BOOM.
Yes, I am an advocate for compassionate leadership which includes aligned actions and communication.
It’s just that I am also an advocate for not depending on everybody else to practice this kind of compassionate leadership.
What I am stating is that you, as a powerful leader, do not depend on other people's mastery. You, as a powerful, authentic, self confident leader, are, to put it simply, capable of taking it the way it is. Yes, you can take it, however it is delivered to you without holding onto the negative feelings too long.
Yes, this is the trick. It is alright if you feel like crap at first, you might wanna hide and cry a tear or two or go out and walk circles. And yes, all of the above does not make you a weak leader. It is simply owning all the ugly parts. Feedback you get is triggering some emotions in you and acknowledging them is the
way to go.
What I want to remind you is that your response matters. How long are you going to feel shitty about it?
How deep self criticism is going to go? How many memories about moments "I am not good enough" are going to surface?
I do not know you and I do not know your story, but I do know the feeling. I know it too well and for too long this feeling was slowing me down. That is why I am here to tell you that you are absolutely good enough, I would bet on that any time. You would never be where you are if you were not.
I am here to kick your impostor syndrome, self doubt and fear of utter and complete failure right in the ass! Because I know 100% for sure that, if you are reading this, you are worth everything you want and more. You are good enough.
And, honestly, I do not care if your boss is some mediocre guy and sees no value in your work or your ppt simply was a shitty one... I am telling you to let it go. Yeah, you have no idea how you are going to make it better, but I know this - if you feel like failure and like not good enough - you are most definitely going to have another shitty ppt (objectively or according to your boss or whoever is giving you the
feedback). And you know it is true.
I know, I know, I can or maybe I even should tell about how we all have bad days and that maybe your boss just didn't pay too much attention, or he/she just jumped into the conclusion or was in a poor mood so he/she saw only the shitty parts... Or how you should focus on what is good in that ppt and build on that or how you should ask questions like "What specifically do you see as poor delivery" or maybe
explaining your behind the scene and why you chose to do it that way...Yes, all of the above stands.
I am just not going into that part in this post, I am here to state that a powerful, self confident, leader as you know that everything is ok. All the good, the bad and the ugly sides. Just keep the focus on the prize.
And the prize is, of course, changing the world for the better with every step you make.
So, my point - how the heck are you changing the world for the better if you are feeling like shit for days or hours just because you didn't get your "Your work is amazing" tap on a shoulder?
Which brings me to the next point - detachment. Detach from that expectation. No matter if you are working in an environment where strength based feedback is not nurtured or specific someone lacks this skill or your work actually was not that amazing at all... Whatever it is - you are exactly where you are supposed to be and you are capable of dealing with this.
Close your eyes, release the pain from the punch in your stomach, curse a bit if you must, and detach.
Let it go. This is not a fight or flight situation. This is the - get creative and resourceful - situation.
Remember who you are. You are a woman that knows your purpose, that is dedicated to personal growth and has a vision about a new different compassionate world. So, doesn’t it feel like a real shame that you spit on all that you stand for by feeling frustrated for days just because the things didn't
work out the way you envisioned them.
You know who you are and you know your worth. And, also, you know that you have power to change your reality. From inside out. From the way you respond to things, words or people that are hurting you. From the speed you recover from feeling like failure.
And you really do want to recover fast from feeling like failure. Because this is THE feeling that is going to take you down the cliff before you even know it.
Let's recap: Allow yourself every emotion for a limited period of time, release it as soon as possible and then you make your decision - whatever it is - trying to craft another ppt, talk to your boss about his/her people skills, go and find another job... Doesn’t really matter, you cannot do it wrong whatever you choose if you make your choice at the moment you feel powerful and good.
Few things that help me to shift my energy really fast are:
To ask myself why this is not the truth (why I am not a failure or not worth of promotion or whatever the emotion is),
To remember that in 5 years from now (or in 5 months or weeks or even days) this ppt drama and emotional roller coaster is so not going to be important.
To do what makes me really happy and grounded and connected to my higher self 0 the first moment I can - play with dogs, turn the music on, dance on my own, grab a coffee (read - wine), take a long hot shower, light few candles and meditate or not.
For you - probably will something different, maybe walking or running, remembering your successes or having fun with friend or family.... Never mind - the trick is to be aware of this process - allow - release - decide/ act once the energy shifted.
That’s how we groove the world.
With love,
Your Leadership Mentor,
Olja